Desperation's End

Desperation's End is an uneasy alliance between four groups that inhabit a nearly deserted Craftworld. While each one, alone, was weak, combined they are a mighty force. The four groups are The Coven of Fortune's Vice, the Kabal of Wailing Skull, the Cult of the Razorwing, and the Shrine of Purity Revenant.
The Coven of Fortune's Vice was born from a failed coup. Haemonculus Incitatus was very young for a Haemonculus, and had still not forgotten the ambition and greed of younger Dark Eldar. He gathered two other like minded Haemonculi; Raziak and Daedelus, and, with the combined force of the three Haemonculi, led a strike at a council of all of the Haemonculi. However, one of the Wracks belonging to Incitatus himself had informed the other Haemonculi of his treachery, and they were prepared. They were captured and punished for many centuries in the dungeons of the Hex. He, after all those years of planning, managed to escape along with his two allies and a handful of wracks. The Coven of Fortune's Vice has since garnered a living from serving the Corsairs, mastering both the process of reviving the dead, and capturing and binding souls into powerful weapons.
The Kabal of Wailing Skull is formed from the tattered remains of a once proud noble house. Less than a dozen Trueborn survived the attack of the Salamanders, and half of that were wise enough not to challenge Vect after his rise. Among the was Archon Raelyn. He took the reigns of the family and reformed them as a Kabal, and, while they were pathetically weak at first, grew quickly due to their place in the ruins of the Dark City. They were scorned by the great Kabals that rose to power, but those that survived on the street flocked to her banner, for he proved herself, not by dint of pure blood, but by earning a reputation as a man who struggled tooth and nail to survive. His Kabal is extremely strict, to make up for most of the Kabalite's past as miscreants and castaways.
The Cult of the Razorwing is quite unusual. They specialize in high speed battle, and their Reaver Jetbikes are of the highest calibre. Of course, they still have footsoldiers, but these are the lowest on the hierarchy of the Cult, and seek to be advanced so that they, too, my join the Cult's reavers. They command a fleet of venoms, raiders, ravagers, voidravens, and razorwings. Their three Succubi, Yrral, Ylruc, and Eom, each take to battle in a customized Voidraven Bomber. Occasionally, they decide to fight hand to hand. During these times, they religate piloting their prized Voidravens to their most promising Hekatrix. Unfortunately, they have lost many dozens of Hekatrix because of this, as each of the three Succubi would kill them if they got even a single scratch on their prized flagships.
The Shrine of Purity Revenant, led by Hierarch Sorcha the Radiant seeks to restore the Eldar Empire to what it once was- a trueborn, Khaine fearing, all powerful nation. They have decided that the Eldar only fell due to poor leadership. Only an Incubi Shrine would have the maturity and discipline to rule. They seek to stamp out the halfborn Dark Eldar, especially the usurper Vect. More importantly, however, they seek to revive Khaine. They have made a pact with the Coven of Fortune's Vice: The Shrine gives all captured slaves to the Coven, and does not destroy their growing chambers that produce halfborn. In exchange, the Coven gives regular tithes of soultraps, filled to the brim, Eldar spirit stones, and the occasional Orb of Despair.

They acquired their Craftworld through sheer luck. Desperation's End had always been a smaller Craftworld, weakened even further by numerous daemonic incursions. Their Farseers predicted a massive incursion, and sent out a desperate request for help in the form of four Guardian Jetbikes and their riders, each bearing a message intended for another Craftworld. Each of them was intercepted by one of the four groups in the alliance, which came immediately.
The Cult of the Razorwing was first to arrive, each of the three Succubi in their personal flagship, a heavily customized Voidraven. They were followed by dozens of Ravagers and Razorwing Jetfighters, and hundreds of Reaver Jetbikes, Wyches on stolen Hoverboards, Raiders, Venoms, Beastmasters, and even the lowest of the Cult, the mere footsoldiers that form the bulk of most Cults. They incinerated, imploded, exploded, poisoned, and peppered the daemons with all power available to them.
Second was the Shrine, led by their Hierarch, Sorcha the Radiant. They were the first to get their message, and were the closest. They were only second to the Wyches because, like most Shrines, they had a base from which they left rarely and with great reluctance, and only once before had completely moved their base. They cut great swathes through the daemonic horde, destroying daemons of each of the four gods with equal fervor, until they reached the Avatar of Khaine. They stood as an honor guard around it, utterly destroying any who sought to harm the Avatar of their master.
Third was the Kabal of Wailing Skull. They circled like vultures, and only occasionally opened up fire on carefully selected targets, destroying them utterly before returning to the relative safety of high orbit.
Last to arrive were the Coven of Fortune's Vice and their ponderous minions. Many dozens of Talos and Cronos skittered across the battlefield, and legions of Wracks waded through the gore of the battle, laying about themselves with silvered hooks and poisoned blades. The three Haemonculi each wielded a powerful soul trap connected to their djinblades, ensnaring any daemons that fell to the might of the others, channeling the captured daemons into their weapons.
The battle lasted four days. Each group had sent everything they had to defend this craftworld, and, though each one came close to being wiped out, they eventually emerged victorious. The last of the daemons slain or captured, each one turned on those Craftworld Eldar who had survived the massacre. They annihilated every Craftworld Eldar left, save for the Bonesingers, who were captured and forced to repair the damage done to the Craftwold during the invasion, as well as build a towering wraithbone spire for the Kabal and a massive arena for the Cult.

Bump. Please critique!

Critique hat on! (I shan't be harsh, as there is not much to criticise )

First of all, I do like the names of the individual factions and how they all came to meet through pure luck. The Shrine of Purity Revenant is most interesting, as it baffles me that even the (slightly) honourable mercenaries would want to restore the Old Empire when with The Fall the were cut free from the weak whom sought to impose restrictions upon any vice. Dark Eldar are very arrogant by nature, seeing themselves superior to all other Eldar, including those that predated the fall, although this is nicely balanced by the Trueborn part.
It is very nice to see a different view of Incubi, however.

I don't have much that I could improve upon, although I could point some things out:
1. You mention that Wracks were using Soul Traps. I know that it is nice to break away from the Codex and give different units different things, but Soul Traps are very rare to the point where not every Archon would have one. I don't think that your Coven would be able to produce that many, even if they found out how to make them at a much lower cost.

2. Your Cult is cool, but I would refrain from saying that they have Reavers that are seconded to none. You could say that they have Reavers of the highest calibre, paralleled by only the greatest gangs within Commorragh, but as a rule stay away from saying in you writing that something of your creation is the best. Also I do not think that all three Succubi would be present at the defence of the Craftworld, although I definitely love the fact that they pilot Voidravens. Great twist on them.

3. My final point is that there are no 'demons' in 40k, only Daemons, but that's not a critique, that's me being picky.

Overall, great background and well thought out and developed factions. I would be interested in seeing some further background for each of the factions, especially the Incubus Shrine.
This was a very enjoyable read. Keep up the good work.


(I hope this critique is something along the lines of what you were hoping for. )

Thank you very much for pointing out the errors I made! I tried to change them- now, only the Haemonculi have soul traps, the reavers are 'of the highest calibre' instead of 'second to none', and I think I changed all the 'demons' to 'daemons'.
I think I'm gonna switch my Archon and my Hierarch's names, because I think that the Shrine is more interesting than the Kabal.

You are very welcome. Now those few issues are ironed out it's great.

If you need any help with random fluff/backgroundy stuff I will be more than happy to help.

Alright, thank you for your offer. I will probably take you up on it later.