The Kabal of the Black Phoenix

Hi there everyone this is the first draft of my Kabal's fluff so your thoughts about it?


Until recently The Kabal of the Black Pheonix was just one of the many dock gangs that haunted Commoragh making their way selling drugs, guns, and slaves. however that would all change when thier archon (evil name) decided that she wanted a pet to parade around and rub in the faces of her fellow archons. to that end she knew that nothing less than the most deadly and powerful creature would do and settled on enslaving on of the autarchs of the pitiful craftworld eldar. 

however since all of their space born kin and especially autarch are psychically gifted (evil name) needed some to to purge her pet of those talents and so contact the Coven of Bone Singers for help. Their Ancient (another evil name) smiled at her request and after some work unveiled what he lovingly called The Crucible of Eradication. 

with the crucible in hand (evil name) set out and began raiding elder maiden worlds in search of her autarch and much to her glee found one on her first foray, Shivana of Bei-Tan. yet while the Kabal was driven back under a storm of shurikens it wasn't until Shivana lead the final assault on the Dark Eldar webway portal that the Kabal's black plan came to fruition. raising the small obsidian box in the air (another evil name) unleashed the power of his new creation and laid waste to the entire elder strike force, but leaving Shivana crippled by agony and at the mercy of her new mistress. 

However the physical torture was but the least of the torments inflicted on her. for whenever Shivana was had been pushed to the very edge of her stamina (evil name) would smirk, pump her full of the most potent bliss giving drugs the covens could provide and the force her to witness the most brutal torture of her fellow slaves. and over the course if more than a century the discipline of The Path that served Shivana for almost a millennium was torn apart with all the brutality of a talos tearing apart a child. 

but that was when fate intervened. while the Kabal was mustering for a realspace raid a young kabalite mistook her cell for an armory and let her out. even if she wasn't filled with bloodlust Shivana would have been more than a match for an single warrior. taking her wargear Shivana then took her place in the Kabal and rode a bloody wave to power, for as the farseers say war and politics are two sides of the same bloody coin. 

after her ascension The Kabal of the Black Phoenix has been steadily gaining power and prestige. now famed for their blazing mounted assaults the Kabal falls upon it's foes for almost every direction imaginable and, for a dark elder Kabal, is quite disciplined. for before every raid Shivana ensures that every squad and strike team commander knows that both victory and defeat, no matter if it was the result of their actions or any of their subordinates, will be rewarded and punished (normally with a night of drug fueled debauchery with her). 

however for all of skill and power Shivana's position is far from secure. her fellow archons sneer that she is just a (DE racial slur for craftworlder) and secretly plot to assassinate her. however for the time being a tense and brittle peace has fallen over the docks of Commoragh for while Shivana's rivals hate and despise her they all know that the results of an open war are far from certain.  

Nice fluff!

I like the (evil name) thing How about you give him/her the name "evil name" but maybe in another language? "Zenakuname" for example (Zenaku = Evil in japanese, and add "name" to the end)

Yeah I got a reply! So there weren't any problems with the fluff that you found? As for your idea that is a rather clever one so you win a free pat on the head. And since The Google tells me Nami means "of great renown" I shall call Shivana's former archon Zenakunami. Now any ideas for a Hemy's name?

Well, im no dark eldar expert, apart form having read the codex cover to cover a hundred times

A hemonculus name.. hm... a hemy makes me think of old alchemists, so maybe mix some kind of germanic name with a more slavic name (like warhammer fantasy's sylvania). Valdrecht the Impaler (a play with words of Vlad the Imapler, aka draculea)

It's good. I quite like how you've spent the time to explain how an autrach is stripped down to basic instincts and then rebuilt into a creature of hate. I imagine she may also have gained the thirst during this process, another reason to hate the people who did it to her if she still remembers her life before.

One thing I might add is what happened to the previous Archon? (sorry if I missed it). Did the autrach kill them, or perhaps the crucible had its own effect on the Dark Eldar present? I understand in theory that it would attack the physic area of an Eldar's brain, but its possible something that powerful would have some unexpected(maybe not for the heamonculus) side effects.

Very nice overall, and also very amusing (manely with the (evil names)). The kabal name is very similar to mine, but I suppose that is inevitable in Commoragh, considering how many kabals actually exists.

Like it, I share your pain with coming up with appropriate names, but foreign translations can often be a good way to go.
I'd like the fluff to be expanded a bit in relation to how the autarch went from taking her place in the kabal to being its Archon (was there a coup/duel to the death after a desperate grab for power?) but otherwise it sounds good to me