Kabal of the Serpent Moon

When I started Dark Eldar and 40k last year, I never intended to actually write fluff. I'd always liked lore, and would generally write lists (for fantasy and 40k) with my own personal fluff constraints, that's to say I would have to justify WHY a unit would be on a battle field with the others I'd chosen.

However, during my very first 40k tournament I missed out on hobby points (albeit, very few points were lost and I was given bonus points for paint work) because I had no written fluff. I refuse to be defeated by lack of paper.

I'd written a brief page, likely to be used as an army synopsis to go alongside my army at tournaments, and thought I'd share it with the literature fiends here in High Commorragh, and get a bit of feedback.
Anything doesn't line up, things don't gel, weird wording, etc. Let me know!
Thanks
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Kabal of the Serpent Moon

Branching from generations of the quasi noble house D’remasque, and having risen through the ranks of Dracons under the command of an Archon whose name has been long since forgotten, Archon Ardal D’remasque commands his Kabal with ruthlessness and suspicion in equal parts. As is commonplace in Commorragh, his rise came swiftly and his divorce from his parent Kabal came meticulously planned, for the price of failure is far worse than death.  

The charisma of D’remasque was so powerful that many of those who sat in the higher chambers of power followed him, bringing their influence and their workforce along, undermining their Archon and leaving him powerless in a spire of weak kabalites and poor munitions.

Since the munity, D’remasque has poisoned, had assassinated, or otherwise sent to the death all those who sat upon a chair of power from the day before The Serpent Moon rose, in an effort to strip away any memory of the Kabal and the Archon that he once swore fealty to. The power of deception, fear and mystery both fuel the productivity of his Kabal, and is the preferred method for his raids on realspace. So powerful is his cunning and creative use of neurotoxins that his every deceit allows D’remasque to know the hardship of choice that with preparation, his any desire will see success.

It is not unusual for hallucinogenic bombs to be dropped before the raiding party arrives, panic upon fear, upon visions of terrors of the night make for the heartiest of feasts. The prisoners taken can be kept in state of permanent fear-riddled psychosis to be sold at a premium to the pain farms, and the more pristine and twisted specimens are prized by the Haemonculi in the bowels of Commorragh. This barter system leaves Archon Ardal D’remasque as one of the favoured salesmen in the Dark City.

I liked this a bunch. I didn't know lore was a requirement for more points though.

Lord_Alino wrote:

I liked this a bunch. I didn't know lore was a requirement for more points though.

Thanks
I'm guessing it was just a scoring criteria for that particular group running the tourney, but I figured I'd be prepared for next time/get bonus points for extra effort.