Coven of the Hell Mask

The Noble house of the Beloved Taken was among the most powerful in Commorragh; it's spires reaching far up into the stolen suns since the times of the fall. The supreme Archon Barrox Hekaht ruled over his great empire with an iron fist, sending his subjects to plunder real-space on a daily basis, and obtaining one and a thousand treasures from the lesser races, as well as from those Comorrites who dared oppose him.

As well as the suffering of others, Hekaht had developed a powerful obsession for the carnal pleasures, and kept a great harem of ultimately beautiful men and women of all races at the top of the Kabals tower - directly below his personal chambers, where all manners of depravity took place day and night.

Though all his slaves were of an infinite beauty, one in particular had been his favourite for decades; Traeshia Fleind, a Dark Eldar pure breed, daughter of the Archon of a great Kabal that had fallen to the Beloved Taken. Time and time again Traeshia formed the center of her masters activities, but this all changed one fateful day, when Metal and fire rained over the skies of high Comorragh.

The Vulcan's Wrath battle barge had brought a fleet of thousands of guns to rescue their brothers trapped in the Forgehammer; a ship captured by Vect and the Cult of the Black Heart. Down they came from the skies above, delivering destruction like Comorragh had never seen before. At the time of the attack, Hekaht was indulged in his obsession alone with his favourite; Traeshia, ignoring any events outside of his chamber, and while he tended to his desires the House ran wild, with thousands of Kabalites rushing towards the site of the battle in search of blood, and the Cruisers and escorts docked in the tower ignored all orders of staying docked until ordered otherwise to hunt down the fools who had ventured into hell. With no-one left to defend the tower, the Drop pods of the Astartes began to plunge through the chambers and halls of the Kabal, tearing it asunder. One pod in particular came to land straight into the chamber of the Archon, releasing a hulking Dreadnought, eager to fight. As soon as his carnival of pleasure was interrupted, Hekaht charged at the battle engine with an un-stopable fury, caring little about his lack of equipment; for no punishment was high enough for one who dared interrupt him. Locked in an epic duel, the Archon and the Dreadnought fought with great power and skill, slowly tearing apart the body of the other while Traeshia hid to save her beauty - the one last thing she could take pride on. After many blows delivered and deflected, Hekaht punched his fist into the fuel compartment of the machine, and with a flick of his fingers, ignited the substance, destroying both himself and his adversary in a grand explosion that engulfed the room.

After several hours, Traeshia woke in a charred room, with the cold winds of Comorragh whistling through a great hole on the selling. She made an effort to raise her body, and she began making her way down the ruins of the now empty tower. An object on the corner of her eye caught her attention; a mirror not yet shattered. She limped towards it to try and re-invigorate her spirit by marveling at her own beauty, but no such thing was to happen. Standing in front of the mirror she was certain she was starring at some aberration of the chaos god Nurgle, before she realised that she was seing what had become of her once legendary beauty. Her legs, before a perfect structure with a skin as fair as silk to cover them, had now become twisted and broken. The curve of her hips that had once hypnotized the heart of a high lord of the dark city, was now charred and un-balanced, with no shape to be admired. The thin waist found at the center of her perfect body was now missing the organs that gave it such a lustful shape. Her bosom - a flower abloom and infinitely precious, was now broken and burnt much too hideously to describe. The slender arms that she held so dear were nothing like they once were; one of them shattered and without shape, the other no more. And her face - her most lustrous face that once crowned her perfect body was now charred and twisted beyond recognition. The peak of aesthetic achievement; the one thing she had to live for had been torned from her in a most cruel fashion. It is said that the infinite anguish she wept that day could have been enough to satisfy the need of a Haemonculus; a rumor likely to be true.

Well, it's running a lot longer than I imagined. I'm gonna have to finish some other day. :/
Stay tuned, Traeshias' story is far from over.

I look forward to it! Though, I would suggest you give some reason as to why she doesn't have a Haemonculi fix her broken body (could be something simple as disgust).

Well, calm down, the story gets to that eventually.

The aftermath saw Comorragh more dangerous and alive than it had been since the birth of the noble houses and their hunger for absolute control. Freedom broke out once more into the dark city; from the highest spire, fleets fighting day and night, while the streets were swarmed by hellions and Kabalites in horrendous free-for-all carnage, were the only intent was to kill. Reavers and Whyches ran amok along the city, the covens of the Haemonculi released their creations onto the streets for their master's amusement. The city was alive once more. If one died it mattered not, because the infinite agony that lasted so many days saw the bodies of the fallen repaired within weeks, and so eternal carnage roamed every corner of the web-way.

Yet for all the joy shared among the Comorrites, there was one who was still shattered. Traeshia had been left with nothing. No food, no wealth, and worst of all; no beauty. Scared of the possibility that someone might recognize her, and see that her figure had been torn to pieces, she ripped a banner from the tower, and tightly wrapped it around every inch of her body, hiding all her hideous details behind a silky flag. There was much torment in her mind, nothing could be done to salve her body, for the damage caused by the ubber fuels within the body of the Dreadnought had caused damage that no pain could restore. There was but one option if she was to retain her past self; the skill of the flesh lords of Comorragh; the covens of the Haemonculi.

Traeshia pleaded one and a thousand times for the Haemonculi to repair her lost beauty, but the flesh lords are twisted indeed, and the more she begged, the more they teased her. She offered her soul, her life and the galaxy itself for them to answer her plea, but after the destruction of her Kabal and the death of her master, she had been left with nothing that would satisfy the greed of the Haemonculi.

Now was her final hour. No hope of gaining her perfect body back, no possibility of getting anywhere when she was not even a slave. She was nothing, and so she decided to end the agony. But as her soul began to part from her body, something saw the trance interrupted. A strange feeling that there was still hope, like the whisper of the wind on the high seas. She knew then and there what she had to do. She would never let go before her beloved self saw her body back to perfection. If the Haemonculi would not answer to her needs, she would find another Haemonculus who would be willing to aid her. Or rather, she would become one...

...Now I'm afraid I have to go eat my dinner, so I will have to pick this up later...

...

...Alright, I'm back. Sorry about that.

In the murky depths of the dark city, rumors grew ever larger of a creature with a hide of silk that collected the bodies of the dead, taking them into the darkness for mysterious reasons. Many explored the Depths of Commorragh in search of this creature, for one who had grown to be so well known would surely be a mighty hunt. Yet for all their efforts, no-one ever saw the creature; not once was it sighted, yet the bodies kept disappearing as if the wind had taken them.

In the dungeons of the ruins of the Noble house of the Beloved Taken, Traeshia had scavenged off of the destruction enough material to improvise a small laboratory. She gathered books on the subject from the shattered Noble houses, and she was ready to begin her training. Searching every week for the bodies of those fallen in the roaring battles that had engulfed the city, she began to learn the mysteries of the flesh, tearing apart the bodies of her victims, saving the pieces of their bodies, storing them for future experimentation. Eyes, tongues, legs, brains, intestines, blood and bones began to fill up the dungeons as they grew ever closer to a true Haemonculi laboratory. The years passed, and she scavenged more and more from the ripe fruit that had become the warring city. More beds, more lights, more knifes and buckets, more and more flesh, and eventually, when she had what material she needed, she began her real studies; the studies of crafting beauty. As she kept to tear apart more and more victims, studying every inch of their beings, she began to dedicate some time to the careful selection of the most lustrous of body bits, and began assembling them to create aberrations of perfection. Set on the right path by the knowledge of the tomes she now held so dear, it took not long before she began mass manufacturing of her precious wracks, a helping hand that no doubt changed the tide of her new life. After the wracks, came the grotesques, and after the grotesques came the pain engines, and within fifty years, Traeshia had truly become the master of her own Coven, with hundreds of servants aiding her daily studies of beauty.

It was not long before the word of the new Coven began to run through the ears of low Commorragh; words speaking of a Coven that priced aesthetics above all other things. Before long, the first Whych cults began to seek the surgery offered by the master of the Coven, and fresh bodies offered themselves to be morfed into Scourges more beautiful than any before them. With this increasing demand, Traeshia had less and less time each day to focus on her studies, so she began to mutate her body into that of a true master of surgery. She forfeited food, her wracks now constantly feeding her synthetic stomach so that she could not ever run out of energy. She put off sleep, her brain constantly awake thanks to hyper-toxins. She began to grow multiple arms, the better and faster to finish her work. Some might have though that she did this to focus on her experiments. While this is true, another truth is that there was something about this new occupation that had intrigued Traeshia. The sniping of the muscles, the warmth of a persons innards, the ever red blood covering her hands, the softness of the skin, and how easily it was slit. Yes, Traeshia was finding a new pleasure in the melding of the flesh.

One thousand years later, Traeshia finished her master project, that she had herself named: The One-thousand year study of perfection. She began by removing her brain and placing it into her greatest pain engine, and then connecting her own body into a machine to keep the basic systems functional. She then proceeded to face the nightmare she had only dared face once. She removed the silky hide that had covered her being for over a thousand years, and saw one more time what had become of her. But this time, she would not simply stare in horror at this monstrosity, and she began the operation that would bring fruition to her project. After one week of relentless work, she placed her brain back into her skull, and felt once more the warmth of her own skin. She rose and walked towards the mirror she had prepared for the occasion. And there it was; the same beauty that had been lost so many years ago, was now born anew and wonderful. She stared at her own masterpiece for hours, caressing every inch of her skin the better to understand her long forgotten perfection, and with the re-birth of her pride, Traeshia was finally happy once more.

The very next day, a creature of infinite beauty presented itself before the city of Commorragh, officially declaring the birth of a new Haemuncular coven, one that could achieve ultimate beauty and had it's master to show it: the Coven of the Hell Mask. Traeshia was indeed one of the most precious sights in the dark city, and without hesitation, tens of apprentices began to seek teachings from this most gorgeous Haemonculus, wishing to learn the secrets of the greatest aesthetics. The Coven soon grew big and strong, with now thousands of wracks and dozens of disciples that dug their dungeons deep into the ground; Traeshia at the head of this ever-growing titan.

Life seemed good once more; Traeshia had once more the body of her dreams, and her new life of torture and learning was better than she could have ever dreamed. But this all changed with the rise of Asdrubael Vect; he who would one day become the Supreme Overlord of the dark city.

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Now then I will not finish the story just yet because I'm really a big tease.

I hope you're enjoying it so far.
Stay tuned for more horrors and the final lines that will bring the Coven of the Hell Mask into the 41st millennium!

That was great!! Can not wait to read more updates!

Do excuse me, the continuation of this story will probably take some time. Lot's of stuff to do around here now, and not much time to do it in.

We understand, Ianuchu, at times RL can keep all of us from our most important works!

This is a wonderful story, well done. Looking forward to when you are able to present more of it.

Cheers.

Ok then, I know I've been putting this aside for a long time (mostly because I did not find the inspiration ), but the wait is over, here comes the final episode in the grim history that was the rise of the Coven of the Hell Mask!

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For many years lasted the supreme chaos that reigned in Comorragh; many years of blood bathed streets, collapsing spires and raw agony, yet there was one who saw to put a halt to all this beauty; Asdrubael Vect, now the Archon of the Black Heart. His was the first and greatest of Kabals to arise from the ashes left behind by the noble houses, and with every day his grip was stronger in the dark city, bringing the city closer every day to what it once was; just another jail for those who searched for the ultimate freedom.

Traeshia knew of first hand how the city functioned under the noble houses; oppression and limitations for all those who could not summon the power, and she also knew how it was after; a paradise for all thing evil, where the essence of suffering was an ever-lasting flower blooming in every shard of the web-way. The very birth of her Coven was a testament to the beauty that the city had become, and so she refused to accept the rule of a man who would see these wonderful days come to an end.

The Coven of the Hell mask was from the very start a major opposition for the Kabal of the Black Heart; many a fight were raged across high Comorragh under the commands of their dark masters, Wracks and Kabalites slaying without mercy. Forever did the war between these two forces last, and no victory seemed to be in sight for the Black Heart, but as is well known for Comorrites, the power of this all-consuming Kabal does not lie in it's military prowess, but in the ever twisted mind of the Archon Vect, who had been long devising a plan to rub the Hell Mask from existence.

Word quickly spread through High Comorrag of Tartarus XF .121 Prime; a world were the Imperial Inquisition, heralded by the Adeptus Astartes had been waging a macabre war against the young empire of the T'au, who saw victory on their side of the conflict with the arrival of not one, nor two, but three Tau Ethereals to oversee the war theater. Yet after this morbidly cruel conflict that had lasted so many years the Tau were weak and vulnerable, and with three of the mysterious Ethereals in their ranks Tartarus Prime had become a juicy fruit ripe for taking. No time was put to waste, and many Kabals sent in their fleets to raid the planet and take their price, yet at this point were the Tau blessed with a curse as beautiful to them as it would prove fatal.

The battle had lasted three weeks straight; three weeks in which the Tau had lost all their newly gained territories to the Comorrites. The Tau forces were weary and thin from the recent conflict, and there was no hope of victory for them. Cornered in the last stronghold they held, and with no means of space-travel, the Tau were doomed to meet a fate worst than death at the hands of these merciless creatures. The raids continued, and Rail-guns were fired tirelessly into the Shattered skies of the world, were all manner of hovering craft attempted to surpass their defenses, while on the ground, fire warriors grew ever warier of the constant rain of splinters fired by their enemy. But it was then, that much to the surprise of the blue-skins, the Splinter-fire began to thin out. The Tau scanned the battle-field in search of the force that was causing this change, and saw an army of flesh and steel, slowly but relentlessly dealing with every ground-force that seeked to destroy the stronghold. And at the head of this army was Traeshia; carelessly floating and parading her beauty before her prey. Before soon, all Comorrites dealing the destruction of the Tau's ground-forces were no more, and with nothing to worry for below the skies, all the war-machine of the fire caste was focused on their air-born targets, which were dealt with in a brink. The unexpected ally stood before the fortress, showing an un-mistakable display of trust by having no bodyguards of any sort placed beside her. The Ethereals, ever grateful for the help given, left the fortress to seek an alliance with their savior in the name of the greater good.

Bows were exchanged as the savior and the saved met in the center between the army of fire and the army of flesh. Just as traeshia had hoped, the Ethereals were truly gorgeous in nature; their faces pale and thin, their bodies stout and tall, well adorned with long robes and smooth armour, with an aura of wisdom about them; they were certainly a worthy price for the Coven of the Hell Mask. Traeshia had little trouble gaining the favor of the Ethereals; after her display of generosity they felt obliged, if not honored to thank the angel that stood before them; her beauty clouding their implacable judgement. Traeshia and a retinue of her minions were accepted into the Fortress to attend a ceremony of gratefulness. Naive indeed are the Tau, who in their ever hopeful search for peace find thousands of horrors seeking to destroy them, and clueless of their mistake, accepted Traeshia as a guest of honor until she wished to leave. Her plan was flowing like blood out a slit throat; after gaining the trust of the Tau she would ensnare the Ethereals into a trap that would send them straight into the bowls of her dungeons, yet as ignorant of their doom as were the Tau, more ignorant was Traeshia, who failed to see the obvious trap that had been laid before her - a trap she had willingly strolled into.

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I'm sorry... I really am...

In the end I have no time to finish this today...
The story will have to wait, but hopefully the wait will not be as long as it has been. I hope this does not cause much distress.

On a brighter note, I just edited all the posts correcting a couple mistakes here and there.
Yay!

Fear not people! I am back with more litterature!

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Days passed in the now peaceful surface of Tartarus, and all was ready to put the plan in action; The trap was set, the scheme was well laid, and all was now missing were the Ethereals. As Traeshia talked to convince them to follow her into the caves were the trap had been laid, an urgent message came delivered by an air caste messenger.

- They are back!
Screamt the man frantically;
- They have come back for the planet!
- Calm yourself child, and deliver the message you have been entrusted with.
Calmly answered one of the Ethereals. After taking a deepbreath the man regained his strict posture and spoke loud and clear.
- The Imperium has sent a fleet of re-inforcements to re-take the planet; after the recent conflict with the dark xenos our planetary defences were down and we were un-able to spot them before they made planet fall. We estimate a recognition force should arrive within the week, and the main force should take at least a month to arrive.
Traeshia thought nothing of this menace; she had delt with the Imperium before and knew well how to out-smart them.
- How many have been recognised?
Asked the Ethereal.
- we have identyfied two regiments of Elysian drop troopers and three armored regiments of the Mordian iron guard. Other than that, we estimate at least five other infantry regiments of the Valhalan ice warriors, and two of the Catachan jungle fighters. They are supported by a dozen of squadrons of various air-craft and a Retribution class battle ship from their fleet.
Both Traeshia and the Ethereals were stuned at these grim news. Twelve regiments of the Imperial Guard well supported by both air & spacecraft. After the recent fight with the Comorrites there was no power could be summoned on the surface of Tartarus that could lay any damage on such an army. Traeshia had to act fast if she was to return to Comorragh with her price, and so she urged the Ethereals to follow her into the caves before the enemy arrived. Yet when it is duty that calls, not even the infinite beauty of Traeshia proved enough to part the Ethereals from their convictions; and wasting not a second of precious time, they beggan to prepare for the conflict ahead. The Imperium had come back, and this time, it would not yield.

Traeshia knew the Tau were doomed to fail in teir efforts; the weakened force the Tau had left was no match for the giant that besieged them, and with no space-craft of any sort, the Tau's only option was death. Yet she was not willing to watch as her objective sliped between her fingers. Trashia sent a letter to Comorragh summoning thousands of her subjects; Wracks, Haemonculi, Pain engines and various of her close allies. The Hell Mask would wage it's first large scale war aginst the Imperium.

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And once more, time has run short. I will continue this soon this time. Sory if there are any mistakes in litterature, I had no time to proof-read... Corrected.

It was much more than her subjects answered the call to war. Weather to impress their peers, to gain souls and slaves, or simply to enjoy combat, several dozens of Kabals, Cults and Covens answered the Haemonculi's plea, and tens of thousands of Comrrites descended upon the surface of Tartarus to fight the Imperium of man. For over 4 months the plains of Tartarus ran red with the blood spilled by Eldar, Tau and Human alike as the Battle for the planet grew ever the more gruesome. The Comorrites came on their thousands each week to take part in the conflict, the Tau struggled to pull a successful defense with their scarce forces, and the Imperium of man showed no mercy as new, fresh Regiments arrived onto the surface of the planet every month. Traeshia was most pleased with the flow of the conflict. The Ethereals were still safe and sound, and the Imperium seemed to be loosing ground to the dark raiders. All was going well; as soon as the Tau reinforcement arrived she would help them be-rid of the other forces fighting in the planet, and once the battle was over she'd activate the trap to take the Ethereals into Comorragh - this war was a minor delay to her plans.

Yet for the months that the Eldar fought so vigorously, the hammer of the emperor did proud it's name. A relentless army, the Imperial Guard kept to plunge the planets surface day after day with millions of men, tanks and artillery shells. Every day was a defeat for the Imperiums army, yet the saturated war-machine of the Imperial guard would, and could not yield the planet. Before soon, the Comorrites began to wear out from the raging conflict. They were not prepared to suffer such insane conflict, and many Kabals Cults and Covens saw their numbers reduced beyond what they could have imagined. One after the other, the Comorrites began to retreat from the planet, and at this point the Imperial guard launched it's retaliation. Within the month, the entire planet had been rid of Comorrites and Tau safe for the one fortress were the Ethereals and Traeshia were still hopelessly commanding their forces. No tactic that the Tau could employ would be enough to bring down such a foe, and no scheme Traeshia could device would be enough to harm it's target. The siege of the fortress did not last a day before the Tau were pushed to mount their lasts stand in the caves deep below the fortress. This was Traeshias last chance to retrieve the Ethereals. She urged them to stand in the circle as the Catachans grew ever-closer to the heart of the caves, assuring the Ethereals that the portal would take them somewhere safe. Without a moments hesitation the Tau leaders answered:
- We will not leave our sons to perish without us.
- If it takes our lives, we will defend this planet for the greater good.
- You go, Traeshia.
- Yes, you saved our lives once, it is now the turn to return the favor.
- It was an honor to meet you Traeshia.
- Goodbye.
And with these words the Ethereals pushed Traeshia into the portal, assured that they were saving the life of a friend. They turned back to their children, frightened to die and weary of the conflict, and prepared to sell their lives dearly.

- pleased are you?
Asked the Officer of the fleet as he watched over the burning planet beside a woman of dark attire.
- Most pleased admiral, my master will certainly cherish the news of the downfall of his adversary.
- What should we do with the Tau?
- Kill them, they never formed part of our objectives.
- I hope we can strike more deals with your master in the future. I don't think we could have taken the planet so easily if it were not for the raids that weakened the Tau.
- Fear not admiral, I'm sure we will benefit from each other in the future.
- Send my regards to your master...
- Vect, admiral. Asdrubael Vect.
- Vect then.

After the Fall of the Tau fortress, the Imperium set up a strong defense mechanism before the late arrival of the Tau reinforcements, and the war lasted for another hundred years before the planet was consumed by the powers of chaos, born of the hatred that had been spilled for so long. The Battle of Tartarus is one well-known across the empires of Tau and Man alike, as it saw the passing of so many heroes and the full scale of each others war-machine.

Upon her return to Comorragh, Traeshia Urged her minions to try and re-open the portal, yet the artifact was of singular use, any attempts to re-establish the connection to save the Ethereals was futile. Traeshia had lost her one opportunity to get her hands on a Tau Ethereal, and another would certainly not come any time soon. Yet as despairing as this was, Traeshia soon learned that there were greater concerns at the moment, as the Kabal of the Black Heart launched a full-scale raid of her Coven. Having left hundreds of her subjects to die in Tartarus, the Coven of the Hell Mask was now no match for the Kabal of the Black Heart and it's grim allies. The Haemonculi held the dungeons for as long as they could, but their home was the perfect killing ground wyches and mandrakes, and the Wracks soon began to run out.

There was little she could do at this point, her coven was being overrun and her resources were scarce. And so she decided to save herself at the sacrifice of her Coven. She entrusted one of her students with the artifact known as the Ever Chamber, which conceals the minds, bodies and souls of those who activate it in a parallel dimension were time stands still. And with this last gift, Traeshia left Comorragh, never to return.

After her parting, the Kabal of the Black heart emptied the dungeons of wracks, grotesques and all other creations of the Coven, but never did they find any of the Haemonculi or their master Traeshia. Yet it mattered not, since with one of his main opponents defeated, Asdrubael Vect was one step closer to the control of Comorragh.

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The final piece will be revealed at a later date.

Well, We've gone a long way with this, and it's finally the moment to end this tale of sin.

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Near a hundred years passed after the fall of the Hell Mask, and the name of this coven fell out of all tongues in the dark city, yet by no means was it forgotten. Outside the range of the eyes of the Black Heart were forged in secrecy a number of portals that led directly into an organisation that had passed out of existence near a hundred years ago: The Coven of the Hell-Mask, re-forged and strong once more.

In the first years after her exile of Comorragh, Traeshia had created one wrack; a single and powerful wrack created for a single purpose. This wrack was sent into Comorragh to recover the ever-chamber from the old dungeons of the shattered coven, and when the ones sealed in the chamber were brought back to life, they found themselves in a dark and grim corner of real-space, were subjects could be found in their thousands, and were no eyes of order could ever hope to see. Indeed this place was much like home; as it were, the dark city of Comorragh had a curious resemblance to the bowels of Imperial hive cities; were the lower levels are filled with gang-fights and disease, and the sudden disappearance of a few hundred people would not even prod the attention of any undesired observers. This dark hole was to become their new home, and within five years, these few haemonculi had turned the dark sewers of the planet into a grand dungeon were all sorts of horrors were to take place; the Hell mask was borne once more.

Living in such a perfect environment, and with no competition to be spoken of, the coven soon grew and readied to re-establish it's business with the wych-cults and the scourges. They began to open portals into comorragh; hidden portals that only the great masters of certain cults and kabals knew were they could be found, and out of the knowledge of it's greater enemies, the Hell Mask began to trade it's depravated skills into the Dark-city, growing ever-stronger in the entrails of it's new home.

Over a thousand years have passed since, and many imperial hive-worlds are now hosts to the many dungeons of the Hell Mask, who eat away the population with a steady hand so as to not awake suspicions, and many cults and kabals still keep the methods to contact this dark brotherhood. The coven of the Hell Mask is all but extinct.

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Well, that took a lot longer than expected.

I'm very sorry about dragging all the readers, but I do hope you have enjoyed the ride.

The main Characters of this Coven and how I intend to build them are:

Traeshia Fleind, lady of perfection (of course)
Lhamaean combined with the tentacly things of the Cronos to make a Haemonculi.

Klad Gobrei the ancient (a Character that will appear in the extra stories)
Will use the model for Urien Rakarth.

I might also see if I can make some special Pain-engine for my army.

If anyone has any criticism to give, please do; I love constructive coments.

Now that the story of it's formation is over, it is time for the exploits!

For this I would like to ask for your input on this; who do you think are beautiful and gracious creatures in the 40k universe? Who would you like to see the haemonculi raging war against? Post comments on who the next opponent should be!

I think that they should raid either a Craftworld or a Sisters's shrine world.

Your story is awesome and very descriptive, but I picked out something that you may have overlooked ; you said Flenid was a purebreed from a Kabal, but this was before the Kabalite system was enforced.

It was so good that I was able to ignore this, however.

Great job.

I noticed that amongst other mistakes when i re-read it a litle while back, but it's not such a big mistake. I actually meant from a noble house; I think people will get it.

So; craftworlds and shrines? Fiction is already brewing in my mind ...

I too liked it a lot, there is a heap of detail in here and it flowed quite nicely. The biggest thing for me is the timeline is quite off. the Imperials discovered the Tau in M35. as primitives that had just made fire for the first time (yey!! Tau has made fire!). this is the same time vect stage his coup and takes over the noble houses, sementing his rule over the next millennia. The tau have no more contact until M41. each kind of made your story a bit out. It was a great read, but this stayed in the back of my head throughout the latter stages.

I really enjoyed the first bit and love your reason to uppose vect, never thought of Commorragh as a cage to inhibit freedom! I also agree the SoB's & Eldar would be considered pretty, but it also depends on how you look at it, a snake or shark is beautiful in its simplicity, efficiency and leathality. in the same way tyranids could also be considered beautiful. pure undiluted killing machines.

I AM APPALLED, ASHAMED, DESTROYED; STUPID, INEFFICIENT, WORTHLESS AND GROTESQUE!

BLOATED, COVERED IN HAIR, FILTHY AND RUN DOWN IN DIRT!!!

YOU ARE RIGHT, DA ONCE! I FORGOT TO CLOSELY LOOK ATE THE HISTORY OF THE TAU EMPIRE, AND IT IS A MISTAKE WHICH CANNOT, AND WILL NOT STAND!

I'll have to find a way to fix it... I am ashamed... thanks for telling me...

Please do not over react, It's just constructive criticism.
Without constructive criticism one cannot improve themselves.

He did say that he enjoyed it, as did I.

Wow, quite an effect I seem to have had!!

I whole heartedly agree with what cavash said, I have been trying to think of possible ways of fixing it while keeping it more or less intact, so far the only way is by saying that time flows differently within the webway and what felt like M35-6 to the DE was actually M41 in the galaxy. Although this is kinda weak & corny!

another way would be to change to a different human empire or alien race, you could use races from the HH series for inspiration. Ie the interax or diasporex.

As for constructive critism, feel free to check out mine! (shamelsess advertisement!)

I like to base my kabals exploits on actual battles i've played. Such as during the eye of terror campaign where i slaughtered a vanilla space marine army called the Blue Dragons but was subsequencly expelled from the planet by a force of biel tan eldar. As for your kabal's backstory i thought it was brilliant. but like when I was writing mine, there are inconsistencies in dates but do not fret. It's easy to do minor adjustments. I had to go through mine twice to find them all and correct any errors. So don't worry dude, even the Games workshop teams makes mistakes when they write stuff up.

Well, the problem with changing it to another alien race is that the target would not be ethereals... Which is something I liked...

I don't know what HH is, so if you could please explain, I would appreciate it.

I guess I'd also like to write exploits depending on campaigns and battles; but I don't have a playable army yet, and I'm kind of focusing on my 'nids right now.