Kill Team: Dark Eldar vs Adjective Noun Marines

Me:
6 Reavers / cluster caltrop, 5 Scourge / solarite / shredder, 5 Warriors

Them:
Crimson Fist Sternguard, Raven Guard Assault Marines, Plague Marines, some other assault marines, Dark Angels Black Knights

Scenario:
There is a living Dark Angels Interrogator Chaplain hanging out being grimdark and listening to Skinny Puppy on his iPod in some terrain on a plastic planet.  The Dark Angels want him because he betrayed their so-and-so or somesuch and I want to harvest his sweet-sweet gonads (do Space Marines have gonads?  Let’s find out!)

The guy setting up this 6-man game is counting the Chaplin as a Relic with a Voidshield generator.  I am unphased as I plan to Hammer my Wrath on his face.

I win the roll to deploy/go first and deploy 12” away from the Chaplain in the center.  Sternguard to my left and Raven Guard to my right.  At first the game organizer says that the first one to kill the Chaplain wins.  After telling him what Reavers do he changes that to have to hold the Relic at the game end like normal.  So I promptly hide behind a solid wall and Shred some Sternguard before ending my turn.

Black Knights go second and unsurprisingly murdalate the Chaplin, bringing his chunky body back towards their table edge opposite me.

Everyone else converges on the Black Knights and wipes them out with the Sternguard killing a Reaver with Ignore Cover rounds (*gasp*! what kind of human monster would invent such a thing!?)

I move out of LoS from the Sternguard which unfortunately means I get charged by Raven Guard assault marines, their re-rolling HoW killing two Reavers.  

At this point someone starts complaining about how bad Blood Angles are.  As someone who gave up Eldar to play Dark Eldar I have no sympathy.  Eldar squad leaders get +1 to WS, BS, Int, Atk, another wound and an especially special Special Rule? That’s like buying a pair of gym shorts on sale and being given a Rolls Royce for free.  We get +1 Lrd and Atk and then the option to buy more overpriced gear.  Its like buying a vacuum and being upsold a time share…in Detroit.  Thanks nameless hydra-headed GW writing organism!

I decide to screen the Raven Guard with my Warriors and send my Scourge and Reavers back behind LoS to my left.  I charge two separate marines with a warrior each, expecting to tie them up without their HoW.  Instead my warriors decided to wear their big-boy pants today, roll 6s to wound and the marines fail their saves!  Their pale, spindly arms punching right through ceramite!  I imagine its like Jared from Silicon Valley
beating the tar out of JJ Watt


I let the power armour bros fight in the middle summore.

The other Raven Guard try to redeem their unit and charge my Warriors getting thoroughly trounced once more and I kill two bowl-cut-bros without losing a Warrior.  They Feel No Pain and Give No Stuff.

After the other forces are appropriately weakened I swarm the center to take the Relic.  Hit and Running against assault and plague marines with my remaining jetbikes while my Scourge tie up and eventually kill the remaining Sternguard.

GG!