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 The Kabal of the Blade Beloved

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Father Dagon
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Father Dagon


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PostSubject: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeSun May 29 2011, 23:58

The Kabal of the Blade Beloved.

Leahcim Legnahcra started with nothing.

He was born in a vat, along with thousands of brothers and sisters. He was raised in barracks, along with his artificially-grown kin. He fought as a lowly mercenary in the Kabal of the Fatal Strike.

The Strike had a certain way of retaining the loyalty of its menials. They installed "heartplugs" in their warriors, devices that, in any instance of disobeying an order, disconnected the arteries from their hearts.

He was utterly sickened that his body was violated in such a way.

As time passed, he grew tired, sick of they way his "superiors" treated him. From the Syrabite to the Trueborn, to the Archon who loathed the sight of him, he was viewed as nothing.

On the battlefield, he fought a desperate war for survival. One by one, his brothers and sisters fell to the Ork, the Space Marine, the Tyranid. His brood quickly came to be known as inferior. Of their number, only he survived the first 50 years of warfare.

During a battle in the hives of Yarvin V, Leahcim's squad was ambushed by a single space marine hero. The Emperor's servant killed five of their number, including a Syrabite, before Leahcim penetrated both his hearts with a single strike. A Haemonculus of the Strike's allied Coven appeared out of nowhere, and demanded that she be allowed to extract the creature's gene-seed. Mindful of the devices in their bodies, Leahcim and his fellows formed a perimeter around her. They desperately fought against Imperial guard and Space Marines that attacked from the corridors as the Heamonculus worked.

Only the Haemonculus, gene-seed in hand, and Leahcim survived.

Legnahcra recieved no recognition for his bravery or strength.

Somehow, in the back of his mind, he knew he was better than this. He knew he deserved more, he knew he deserved... everything.

It was not long before the Heamonculus approached him. With a twisted smile on her face, she made an offer... the removal of his heartplug. She revealed that she viewed the Archon as a coward and a drunkard, and was interested in finding a replacement...

A series of assassinations mysteriously took place over the next month. Soon, the Kabal was in turmoil as the Archon desperately tried to maintain order.

One night, the Archon was on the verge of breaking. His Kabal was in full-fledged civil war, and its enemies waited at the doorway. What could be done? There had to be something! Everything he had built and strived for, it couldn't be taken away so quickly!

He heard something behind him.

He turned around to see one of his lowly Kabalite Warriors. Pure hatred burned in its eyes. When the Archon demanded why it dared stand in his quarters, the wretch pulled a knife from its sheath. Shocked, the Archon drew his huskblade. The duel lasted minutes. Somehow, the lowly thing could parry every blow, dodge every strike. It ended when the warrior penetrated the Archon's heart with its Blade Beloved.

Soon, order was restored. A cease-fire was signed with the enemies nearby, sacrificing some valuable territory, but some things must be lost if the world is to be gained. The new Archon ordered that all the former trueborn and syrabites be outfitted with heartplugs, and he raised his former fellows to the elite among his warriors. They commanded the former syrabites with cruelty and malice, and it was not long before they were all sent to their deaths in battle.

The new Archon soon started a Wych cult for his entertainment. The Killing Grace soon began to take the local gladiatorial arenas by storm. The two Hekatrixes, Daria and Mileena, became crowd favourites as they danced across the battlefield, sewing death and destruction in the trances of combat drugs.

Archon Leahcim Legnahcra still reigns over the Kabal of the Blade Beloved, with the Haemonculus that liberated him at his side. He has taken many prisoners, and has brought many fresh subjects (and gene-seed) to her operating slab.


Name: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved
Archon: Leahcim Legnahcra.
Sponsored Wych Cult: Cult of the Killing Grace
Allied Coven: The Asphodel.

Other characters:
Haemonculus Vivyrus: The leader of the Asphodel. She is known for her obsession with Space Marine physiology, and is known to collect their gene-seed as a hobby. She is most interested in the mutating effects Chaos has upon them.

Hekatrix Daria: Daria is a skilled Hekatrix, known for her sarcasm, displeasure with her job, and snide sense of humour, which the Archon enjoys.

Hekatrix Mileena: Mileena is equally skilled, but different in that she takes utmost pleasure in her profession. She wears a veil, for she had the Haemonculus Vivyrus alter her. She now has a mouth that spreads the width of her face, filled with knife-length teeth, and a long, wicked tongue, that she might eat the hearts of her victims while, in their last moments, they watch in utter horror.

Syrabite Thel: Thel is the last of the Trueborn that so persecuted the New Archon in his youth. He is deeply resentful and hateful of his new master, but his heartplug keeps him obedient.


Last edited by Father Dagon on Mon May 30 2011, 04:28; edited 4 times in total
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Xelkireth
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 00:26

I don't have time to read this right now with Memorial Day grilling going on. I'll tackle it later tonight. Please clean it up. It's a giant wall of text with no breaks.
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Father Dagon
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 00:43

Didn't expect you to. You can read it as your leisure.
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Xelkireth
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 01:23

Took a break to take a gander. Seriously... Please format your post. It makes my eyes bleed trying to read it.
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Father Dagon
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 01:26

What exactly do you mean? I used the enter key. I tried to indent (doesn't work with the forum). I kinda just write in short paragraphs. It's just my style.
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Local_Ork
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 01:51

I guess Xel ask to use empty line between paragraphs.

Like here /\ and here \/

I've actually read that and it's good. Thumbs up cheers
Also, You just pretty much need Baron in your army Laughing
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Xelkireth
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 03:54

First of all: Awesome work. I really got a good feel for your Archon and your Kabal. Very grimdark.

Suggestions:
-I think the clones grown in vats of hundreds sounds more realistic than thousands.

-You should rephrase your Cult success to crowd favorite in the district. Your fluff as is contradicts the Codex. That's a no-no. Not only that, it basically screams, "Look at me! I alone am awesome!" Which is bad writing that horribly contrasts with the rest of your good writing.

As Local_Ork's comment, I do think the Baron would be a strong ally to your Kabal. Whether or not you choose to ever field him is your call. I don't like the fact he makes Hellions count as troops. I need those spots for Kabalites and Wyches. I think the Duke fits more along the lines of personality of your Kabal, if you're wanting special rules. As is, the generic Archon always does wonders.

All in all, I'm impressed. Very, very well written.
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Father Dagon
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 04:23

Xelkireth wrote:

-You should rephrase your Cult success to crowd favorite in the district. Your fluff as is contradicts the Codex. That's a no-no. Not only that, it basically screams, "Look at me! I alone am awesome!" Which is bad writing that horribly contrasts with the rest of your good writing.

Yeah, that felt kinda weird to me too. I'll fix that. Should have thought about that.

And the Duke is my HQ. I'ma say that he and Legnahcra are drinking buddies or something. Or not bother to explain it at all. I just like the Duke's rules.

But thank you both for all your kind comments!

EDITS TO THE STORY: Added a short bio on Thel the Syrabite, fixed some story errors, and did a few grammatical edits.
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Xelkireth
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PostSubject: Re: The Kabal of the Blade Beloved   The Kabal of the Blade Beloved I_icon_minitimeMon May 30 2011, 07:17

If you like the Duke's rules, then use him as a "count-as". Problem solved.
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