The Adventures of I-XV7-DM

Quote :

"Could be worse."
"How?!" the Doctor snapped.
"Rakarth could have Tourette's and leprosy."

I'm a visual person. I think my inner eye stopped working for the night. [Also ... Vect's table manners ... *why is there no nausea smiley* No, Malys, no ... no amount of power is worth this! Sort yourself out girl!]

Quote :

"Could buy a new kitchen."
"Just remember, Vect, the kitchen is where the knives are kept."

Nonetheless it made me laugh a lot So thanks

Quote :

"Could be worse."
"How?!" the Doctor snapped.
"Rakarth could have Tourette's and leprosy."

This ^^

XD

Anyone want to take bets on whether or not Rakarth could popularize the leprosy look in Commorragh?

And, finally, we get to the end...

Looking back on my first crossover, I think: never again.

Well, maybe again. But you'll have to ask very nicely

Part Seven
"So, there you are," Vect beamed to the Daleks. "That is how you destroy a world."
THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THAT.
"What?"
WE DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO RAIDERS, RAVAGERS AND VENOMS.
"Well then you're screwed aren't you?"
Suddenly, the door opened. A minute and a half later, Infotec crawled through.
"What happened?" Vect asked, alarmed.
THE DOCTOR… HE'S RUN AWAY AGAIN.
"How?"
SONIC SCREWDRIVER.
Vect reached over and grabbed a communicator. "Hello! Hello! The Doctor is now a hunted fugitive - stop him and bring him back to me - dead or alive!"
Infotec was gradually regaining his movements and could now talk without sounding like he had a mental disability. HE MAY HAVE ESCAPED. HE HAS A PRETTY GOOD LEAD.
"Nevertheless, we must try! I will personally retrieve the Doctor!" the Supreme Overlord said in a voice that was so heavy sinking a ship was a definite possibility. He began to stride off.
"Oh wait, that's the wrong way," he said in a much lighter voice, then turned around and went the other way, clutching the ripped shreds of his dignity.

Part Eight
The Doctor ran as fast as he could. Even with a ten minute lead he could not expect to escape - the TARDIS was a long way away.
He heard footsteps behind him, then Vect's voice saying "He can't be far. I can smell him."
YOU CAN SMELL YOUR QUARRY NOW? Infotec asked.
"Sure I can, it's just like smelling food in the oven."
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
The Doctor quickly hid under a pile of rubble and prepared a disguise - not a moment too soon, as Vect and Infotec neared and started to pull away the rubble.
Vect heaved the last piece of rock away.
"Doctor?" he asked.
The Doctor adjusted his sombrero and said, "Lo que estás hablando, la gente tonta?"
"Oh, sorry my Mexican friend. Here, Infotec will help rebuild your house."
WHY ME, MASTER ASDRUBAEL?
"Just work."
Five minutes later, the pile was rebuilt and Vect and Infotec walked away. The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief as they rounded the corner. He cast away the sombrero, feeling top-heavy. Whistling his own theme this time, he jogged back towards his TARDIS. Escape was in sight, then it was back to outsmarting Cybermen and clobbering Sontarens in the back of the head. He'd always hated Daleks.
Finally the errant Time Lord found his dedicated transport and left as silently as he had arrived, Shaa-dom left abandoned as always.


And thus ends my first and only crossover. Next time…
ADVENTURE!
HERESY!
LOVE!
ZOMBIES!

That's right; it's the Zombie Apocalypse… in SPAAAAAACE!

Awesome! Well done! So glad the Doctor escaped!

So now we know two things. One, there are Mexicans in Commorragh. Two, Vect is as competent as ever

Lady Malys wrote:

So now we know two things. One, there are Mexicans in Commorragh. Two, Vect is as competent as ever

Shush you! Don'tmake me flay you for master Vect! I'm sure he can use your hide as a belt!

I fear neither you, nor Vect.

However, I would be quite put out if we heard no more of Infotec!

Lady Malys wrote:

I fear neither you, nor Vect.

However, I would be quite put out if we heard no more of Infotec!

You will before I'm done, I guarantee it. >: D

I don't think so. But then, this is also not a place for a drawn-out tit for tat. Let's just enjoy the humour.

Lady Malys wrote:

I don't think so. But then, this is also not a place for a drawn-out tit for tat. Let's just enjoy the humour.

Ok!

Infotec, never one for taking a break, is back and eager to please. And what better way to please, than with the utterly absurd?

Part One
After a very successful raid, Vect returned to Commorragh at the head of the victorious fleet. Whistling happily, he dragged three new slaves (all female, ifyanowatimean) back to his throne room, where Infotec was waiting, barely containing his excitement.
Vect sat down, not yet giving his computer permission to speak. Infotec coughed. Vect ignored him.
Five minutes. Infotec was looking ready to explode if he didn't speak soon.
"Alright, go ahead," Vect relented.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
"To who?"
...CRUSADERSPIRIT, YOU FOOL.
"Oh! Does she know yet?"
VECT, YOU ARE A…
Malys' entry stopped Infotec from having an outburst. "Hey boys, what's up?" she said.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
"To who?" she replied, sounding genuinely surprised.
...CRUSADERSPIRIT, YOU FOOL.
"Oh! Does she know yet?"
YOU'RE MOCKING ME, AREN'T YOU, MALYS?
"Of course I am, sweetie," she chuckled, ruffling his head. "Congratulations."
CONGRATULATIONS? I'M GETTING MARRIED TO THE TANK OF MY DREAMS AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS 'TO WHO?' IF YOU GOT MARRIED, I WOULD SAY SOMETHING A LOT NICER THAN 'CONGRATULATIONS'!
"Yes, but robots usually don't have feelings," Malys noted.
YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?
"Is there another robot in the room?" she said.
They both suddenly looked at Vect.
"What?" he said grumpily.

Part Two
SO, THAT'S WHY WE WANT YOU FOR THIS JOB, Infotec explained. ARE YOU WILLING TO PERFORM THE CEREMONY?
"Are you sure I'm qualified to marry two tanks?"
DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
Eldrad Ulthran shrugged. "Okay, I'll perform the ceremony. Who is getting married?"
UH, ME AND CRUSADERSPIRIT.
"YOU are getting MARRIED?!"

***

Malys had volunteered to plan the wedding, as she didn't trust Infotec and she certainly didn't trust Vect. To this end, she had decided to start with the entertainment.
Five hundred slaves, eighteen of them Blood Angels to appeal to the Ultramarine's better side. These five hundred would re-enact the Horus Heresy, with the eighteen Blood Angels playing the Primarchs. Rounding up these slaves was very easy - Slaves 'R Us was made just for this purpose.
After buying these slaves, she dropped them in the pit hidden underneath Vect's throne (which she had installed in case he dumped her again). That dealt to, Malys began working out the cake.

***

The gatecrashers began planning how to gatecrash the wedding…
And underneath Commorragh, something evil stirred…
Well, semi-evil. It doesn't actually think, if you know what I mean? But ignore that, and you can tell something bad's about to happen.

________________________________

May not seem very zombie-ish at the moment, but every apocalypse start small...

This is awesome! Yay for INFOTEC!
Wait, isn't Eldrad in the Warp somewhere? Or is this before that?

Congratulations, Infotec!

Part Three
Sitting on his throne, Vect felt as safe as he could ever be. He knew nothing of Malys' pit, nor of Infotec's wedding gift hidden underneath it, which is ironic, considering everyone else did. Funny how Kabalite Warriors know more than the Supreme Overlord, hmm?
It just so happened that Vect was meeting Urien Rakarth and Drazhar about the wedding when the first rumble from under the throne began.
"Did you just fart?" Rakarth asked, looking disgusted.
"Uh, no," Vect replied, just as confused as everyone else.
"…" Drazhar said.
"So, none of us know what's going on, must be a prank," Vect assured.
"Sounds about right," Rakarth said.
"…" Drazhar agreed.
"Anyway, what ideas did you have for the cake, my Haemonculus friend?" the Supreme Overlord asked Rakarth, the matter settled.
"Well, I was thinking about five tiers, the first a biscuit base, the second run through with veins of blood, the third chocolate, the fourth-" RUMBLE.
"That time was me," Vect admitted.
"Alright," Rakarth said.
"…" Drazhar added.
Rakarth began talking about the cake again, and Vect began dreamily thinking about eating the cake and wondering about how Drazhar's silence was louder than most people's talking.
There was another rumble, louder than the last two.
Okay, that one wasn't me, Vect thought, so who…
The throne exploded, catapulting the Supreme Overlord to the other side of the room. From underneath it, a dozen moaning, groaning creatures looking like shambling zombies emerged.
Wait, they were shambling zombies.
"Why are there zombies in Commorragh?!" Rakarth cried.
"…" Drazhar explained.
"That doesn't explain anything AT ALL!"
"Brains…" the leading zombie moaned.
"Oh, you're safe then Vect," Rakarth chuckled, easily dodging a zombie's attack.
"Whew," Vect sighed in relief. "Wait - YOU BASTARD!!"
"…" Drazhar laughed.
Infotec chose this moment to walk in.
RAKARTH, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS TIME?
The Master Haemonculus ripped the head off of his attacker and put his hands up helplessly. "This time it wasn't me," he protested. "I'm just as surprised as you are."
MATE, I WORK WITH VECT. NOTHING SURPRISES ME ANYMORE.
"…" Drazhar said.
YOU'RE RIGHT, I THINK WE HAD BETTER GO-
"Back to the Dais?" Vect smirked.
YES, Infotec agreed, giving Vect the victory for once in his life. And then they ran… BACK TO THE DAIS.

Great stuff, keep it up!

I had no idea Drazhar was so deep and mysterious (sounds like a real ladies man).

Wych: "Ohh Drazhar, Syntalalax was saying you don't really love me!"
Drazhar: "..."
Wych: "I knew she was lying, of course you do."
Drazhar: "..."
Wych: "Aww, come here my little murder dumpling."

Drazhar Master of Blades Babes

Awesome!
Can't wait to see what happens during the zombie apocolypse!
Keep up the good work!

Zombies in Commorragh! Let the shambling commence!

Also, Mush, you wouldn't happen to have Drazhar's phone number ... for a friend of course.

Part Four
Malys strolled into Vect's throne room armed only with a hundred comebacks to 'make me a sandwich', and thus totally unprepared for a zombie apocalypse. She stopped, looked around, looked again, banged her head against the wall.
"Ow." She looked again. They were still there.
"Brains…" one zombie moaned.
Oh good, Vect was alive. The problem was that if she didn’t start running, she wouldn't be. Somehow, Malys didn't think that witty repartees would stop a horde of zombies.
She turned and ran, straight into the path of a zombie with a splinter rifle and agoniser.
"Why is it always me?!" she spat, turning around and ducking down a side corridor. Looking into a room, she did a double take as she saw a zombified Kabalite Warrior reading a book called Zombie Apocalypse: Avoiding the Cliché. He appeared to be enjoying it.
Well, no sense in disturbing his peace. Malys snuck past, praying to Khaine under her breath that that was the only other zombie she'd encounter.
Sadly, her phone began to ring.
I can't feel, the way I did before...
Every zombie within twenty metres suddenly stood at attention.
"Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored?" she sang along in the voice of someone busted but trying to act like nothing happened.
She answered the call.
"Hello?"
HEY, IT'S INFOTEC. I'D BETTER WARN YOU, DON'T GO INTO THE PALACE, THERE'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE THERE.
"Yes. I can see that."
YOU WENT THERE, DIDN'T YOU?
"Hazard a bit of a guess. Vect's alive?"
YES, BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW?
"The zombies."
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
"Still, you just got me killed."
OOPS. SORRY.
"THAT DOESN'T EXACTLY CUT IT, INFOTEC!!" she screamed into the mouthpiece, dodging the strike of a zombie and kicking it in its decomposing manhood. The zombie fell back, eyes watering.
WELL, GO FOR THE BALLS.
"That works with ALL MALES, INFOTEC!!"
I KNOW, HEY!
She hung up, cursing what had to be the most useless advisor in history. He always managed to get her busted and then give her advice she already knew that was barely useful in getting out of the situation.
A zombie snuck up and bit at her, missing her neck but catching the necklace. She yelped in pain and gagged, giving a Blood Angels zombie the opportunity to punch her in the stomach, sending her to her knees.
"That bloody computer," she mumbled. "Really hoped I wouldn't have to do this, but…"
She closed her eyes and tapped the skin above her heart. Anime music played, and Twilight Sparkle, Moondancer and Starflower emerged out of a rainbow and began impaling zombies on their horns.
A thousand Warhammer 40k nerds died inside as the three Unicorn Ponies scythed through the zombie hordes.
"BY CELESTIA'S BENEVOLENCE, TASTE THE FURY OF THE IMPERIUM OF PONYKIND!!" Twilight Sparkle bellowed. "YOUR HERESY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!"
"Really, Twilight Sparkle?" Starflower asked in an annoyingly high voice. "Last time it was for the Pony Good, now the Imperium of Ponykind?"
Malys leapt to her feet and ran away as Moondancer impaled the Blood Angels zombie. Hopefully, the ponies wouldn't cause too much trouble to Commorragh's delicate ecosystem. Last time she summoned them, Celestia unleashed the Orbital Friendship Cannon, causing a Dysjunction and much awkwardness when Dark Eldar all over the Dark City found themselves in fields of happy bunny rabbits, hugging each other.
Although, the rabbits were rather tasty…
Malys put Ponyhammer 40k out of her mind as she tried to find Infotec so she could kick him in the delicate parts and see how he liked it. And if Vect tried to interfere, well, she still had those comebacks.



Enjoy!

Lady Malys wrote:

Also, Mush, you wouldn't happen to have Drazhar's phone number ... for a friend of course.

Well you see last time someone asked him for his number he proceeded to massacre half the bar, using the flayed skin of his victims to create a tapestry for his gracefully gory calligraphy. Although impressive, it's bloody impractical to take with you, not to mention if you value your life you need to make sure there are at least 7-11 innocent bystanders around when you ask him (sometimes he likes to include the area code).

This was awesome. Lol, I think all those ponies you mentioned were voiced by the same actress who I think also did Farseer Idranel and Farseer Taldeer. XD

I'm guessing this is much overdue. Still, I'll try and keep them coming weekly from now on.

Part Five
Although they had suffered a crippling defeat, a few of the zombies had survived, and that was enough to start the Apocalypse again. The zombies went around, biting and braining, spreading the plague.
And the ponies? They were wandering around the Dark City, horrified by what they found. They would attack again, but for now few knew they were even in Commorragh.
Vect publicly announced a campaign against zombies. Warriors were instructed to shoot first, and with any luck there wouldn't be enough left to ask questions later. Zombie survival guides were posted around the city and DE-mailed to every citizen. The Incubus shrines were the first to fully mobilise and they reaped a deadly toll on zombies.
All in all, as zombies apocalypses go, this one was pretty controlled.
Well, it was until they met the first giant zombie.
There's at least one in every apocalypse. This one appeared one cold winter's morning during a routine zombie-slaying round.
Vect stabbed a zombie through the head and threw it to the ground.
"Twenty-six," he said.
Infotec shot a zombie with his wrist-mounted pistols, obliterating it.
FIFTY-NINE, he said.
"Come on, really, Infotec? You have to be cheating."
Bang!
SIXTY. HEY, THAT'S A NEW RECORD!
Vect finished off the last zombie, giving him a score of twenty-seven kills. This round had gone better for him - he'd only lost by thirty-three this time. He leant back on a wall an tried to catch his breath.
AREA CLEAR, Infotec messaged the other patrols. Vect smiled, then cried out and fell backwards as the wall moved.
He then realised that the wall he was leaning on was in fact an arm.
The Supreme Overlord looked up.
A trail of zombie drool landed in his gaping mouth.
OH, THAT'S JUST GROSS, Infotec retched.
Vect spat the drool out and dodged a crashing fist.
"Infotec?" he said.
YES?
"I think we'd probably better go…"
BACK TO THE DAIS.
"Die."
The giant zombie moaned and attacked with another fist. Vect screamed in juvenile terror and ran off, arms in the air. Infotec sighed and shot the grounded arm with his pistols. The zombie roared in pain and kicked out, sending the computer flying nearly fifty metres away.
DO I GET REANIMATION PROTOCOLS? Infotec wondered as the giant zombie charged again, too quickly to dodge…
SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!
Infotec was utterly brutalised. The zombie roared in triumph and stalked off after Vect.
A mechanical buzzing filled the air, as did the clatter of dice. The broken definitely-not-a-Necron body of Infotec rose and repaired.
RIGHT, THAT HURT! NOW IT'S PERSONAL.

Quote :

DE-mailed to every citizen

DEmail! Faster than a Scourge-o-Gram!

And the tale continues.

Part Six
Malys stalked through High Commorragh, now mostly under zombie control, seeking somewhere she could start an assault on her spire. Soon, she realised she was being followed.
Sinking into the shadows, she stalked her stalker, sword in hand. They ended up chasing each other three times around a small palace before Malys caught up to the most likely dangerous attacker, and lashed out. A high-pitched scream of pain resounded as her foot connected to him, for it was definitely a him. Was.
"Vect?" she asked.
"Who else?" he moaned, voice three octaves too high. He coughed in a futile attempt to deepen his voice again. "Well, there goes children."
"Rakarth'll be able to fix it," Malys assuaged, as they walked off.
"Not if his laboratory's destroyed by that massive zombie titan. And, to make matters even worse, Infotec's fiancé called."
"Oh dear."
"Yes. She wanted Infotec to come with her to choose a cake."
"What did you say?"
Vect stopped walking. "That there was a zombie apocalypse and that he was unable to help at the moment."
"Did she believe you?"
"Uh… I think so…"
Malys groaned in exasperation. This day was just getting worse and worse. She had castrated Vect, a zombie giant was destroying everything, three ponies were on the loose and worst of all, her hair was a mess and she had a chipped nail.
"Well, we'd better find the rest of the resistance," she said, hoping to find someone to straighten the black bloody mess that was her hair.
Vect agreed in the high voice that was somehow even more annoying than his normal one. Malys hoped it would go back to normal soon.
They ran after the others, careful to avoid falling zombies. It took them half an hour, but finally they reached the ramshackle building that passed as the headquarters for what Rakarth called the 'Zombie Resistance Agency' and Drazhar called the '…'.
Rakarth looked surprised at their entry, and Drazhar… well, he isn't exactly one for showing emotions. Nevertheless, Vect and Malys were greeted warmly and shown to a seat.
"We have a new member of the ZRA that just arrived an hour ago," Rakarth informed them. Both archons perked up with interest.
"Who?" Malys asked.
A blue Land Raider emerged from behind a post where it had somehow been hidden (CREEEEE- no, not really).
Both Vect and Malys leaned forward.
"CrusaderSpirit?!"

lol, cool chapter, Painbiro. I am still loving this.

Keep up the great work.

Quote :

Malys groaned in exasperation. This day was just getting worse and worse. She had castrated Vect,

How is this a bad day??

But yes, zombie apocalypse in Commorragh ... what will happen next? Is it all a plot by Rakarth? What does "..." mean? I look forward to the next installment!