Dark Olympiad - Lightweight Round Battles

Greetings gentle beings!

It is I, Por'el Sa'cea Leo'lan Jhin, ready to once again bring you exciting news from the arena floor of the Dark Olympiad. With me, as always, is the deadly mistress of the arena who has killed and bedded more men than any other Wych in Arena history, Lelith Hesperax!



Not always in that order.



Also, Kharne, who has killed more men with beds than anyone else in history!!!

Wait...what?

You've killed more men with beds than anyone else in history?

Yeah, y'know, after the first few millenia you kinda get bored of decapitation and you need to branch out to explore your artistic extremes.

How do you kill someone with a bed, exactly?

It helps to pick slow species, or, y'know, Slaanesh things, because it draws them in.

It is awkward, but I'm coming to the realization I'm not actually the most disturbing and scary thing sitting at this table.

That's okay, Lelith, you still are top notch in my book. So, should we consider the brackets and the upcoming battles?



Our next two matches look to be very good, Inquisitor Coteaz will match up with the Succubus, and a Lord Commissar will face a Haemonculus.

In other words, 'continued DE domination is on the horizon'..

Pansy space elves covered in spikes and filthy worshippers of a corpse gawd. I tell you, this will be a tough one to figure out who is wussier.!

Let's take a look at our lineup, with expert commentary from these two masters of combat with me.

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Switching up her equipment loadout, the Succubus has brought a Venom Blade and a Blast pistol to this battle. There was probably some consideration for a Power Axe or Electrocorrosive Whip. However, the Whip wouldn't prevent the instant death threat, and the Axe would remove a lot of her speed advantage, so she's obviously banking mostly on the Blast Pistol again, and if she's forced into assault the hope will be to just lay him out with raw number of saves.

Not a bad plan, there's a tough slope to deal with a 2+ armor save, and this is the second time she's facing it. That said, with her Fleet, she ought to have two chances before taking it into hand to hand combat.

If this is another Tau style fight I will literally murder someone.

Me?

Nah, you have nice boobies.

What about me?

...

In that case I fully endorse a shooting war, it's awesome!

*Ahem* Okay, but if she gets into hand to hand assault, he'll be likely to work her over with his Thunder Hammer.

It's a Nemesis Daemon hammer, it's like a Thunder Hammer except with a lot of other rules to make it better.

That sums up the Grey Knights. Oh man, Kharne can't wait for a new Chaos Codex, we are gonna pwn then!


So Inquisitor Coteaz, a warrior from the generally agreed upon most "borken" codex, what are our thoughts?

To be honest, he's hardly the most broken thing in there, and frankly I find him to be an appropriate threat for this weight class. Basically he's a thunder hammer wielding Space marine with worse stats but some psychic tricks.

He's a wuss...the bird is kinda cool though.

Obviously he'll be too slow to force the combat where he wants it, so he'll be lobbing grenades at the Wych trying to incinerate her as she's trying to frag him, but once it gets into hand to hand combat he'll have the advantage I'd think.

A master crafted thunder hammer is no joke, Kharne hates those things, especially when Nemesis.

Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing that most Space marine Captains are more "Eternal" than you, huh?

WE DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THE ETERNAL THING!!!

In conclusion

Coteaz hits hard, but will hit less accurately and, almost invariably, last. That said, he's overall more capable of inflicting instant death on his opponent. The Succubus can, again, keep on the outside and try to let her black hole powered pistol do the heavy lifting, and if she is forced into hand to hand combat still has a decent save and a superior stat line.

Predictions?

Succubus, she's going to prove that last time wasn't a fluke. She has two chances to swing it before combat is joined, and she'll be going first and will have a better chance than Coteaz.

Who am I kidding, that picture of Coteaz standing on top of a pile of corpses and smashing stuff is awesome!! BLOOD!!!

...yes. Well, I'm going to say I agree with Lelith, I suspect the Succubus will be able to use very Tau-like techniques of hit and run to control the battle to her liking and will rack up another win for one of the best pistols in the game...until Tau master that technology and get twin-linked ones that fire 12" and can be attached to Drones.

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This is an interesting matchup. Both of these units serve interestingly similar roles within their respective armies, bolstering other troops and serving as light support. ANy opening thoughts from my esteemed colleagues?

Have you seen some of the things Haems can do? This is actually silly that the Imperium Dog is even going to show up.

Kharne stepped on a puppy once and laughed.


Some interesting choices here, but I think they are wise. He knows that he's unlikely to get any easy damage in on the Haem and also that he'll always be slower, so he's just taking an equipment loadout to give him range and a hit that is at least likely to cause a wound if he manages to hit.

Yeah, kinda got to be sad to know you're outclassed both in range shooting and in assault. Cute touch with the Bolter though, didn't even know they could take that.

Myriad are the ways of Faith.!

So, since he can't cause instant death, the plan is to just try to torrent him down?

Makes sense, the Haem didn't bother to go Ancient, so he only has two wounds, just try to get rid of those and move on to the next round, I suppose...not that a Commissar stands a chance versus either Coteaz or a Succubus though, Ha!

You sound like you enjoy unfair fights?

I find it usually depends which side of it you're on, but as a watcher? Heck yes.


Check it out, despite bringing almost as many weapons as the Master of the Forge, the haemonculus still doesn't max out the division weight class.

Kharn approves.

Yes, and if you look at the choices you will see a strategic brilliance you should expect from DE. He has mutiple weapons all capable of ignoring his opponent's armor, also he has a weapon for every possible stage of the fight, and most of his weapons are capable of instantly toasting the Commissar if they hit. On top of that he'll be faster and tougher.

I agree, he sucks.

In conclusion

I have to agree with my fellow hosts, looks bad for the Commissar.

And I'm pretty sure Haems don't even have sex, so no issues with annoying the Dice Gawd.

I predict laughter. By me.

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If you wish to compete for prizes, remember that you need to post up your Votes. All Votes should contain the name of the two fighters you predict will win each fight. VOTES MUST BE IN BOLD TO BE COUNTED If I end up missing a vote that was correctly made, please remind me after the end of the battle when I'm posting the leaderboard.

Any vote post that is edited after the battle report is posted up will not be counted and I shall waggle my finger in your general direction.

The poll is there for people to toss out opinions at if they so desire, consider it a third commentator's opinion on who will win the fights.

Results will go up no earlier than Saturday, August 4th, for both fights.

Boring rules explanation:

I'm voting for the Succubus and the haemonculus.

Swap the power sword for a power maul though, AP4 S5 should be more helpful against MR commissar. Love the commentary

just because there aint nothing else i would like, my vote is for the succu, burning the hell out of coteaz with the blast pistol...so Kharn can kill someone and the fact that haem indeed has a lot of fun gifts he can use in all ranges, concluding in him getting the other vote...
and the third reason: i am Dark Eldar y'know

I am voting for Succubus and Heamonculus. While Coteaz may look like a tough guy, he is after all a slow hitter. The succubus will be done with him before he has lit his ciggarette....
Hexrifle for the heam? What will the imperial do when the heam is 36 inch away?

All votes for the Dark Kin! Their have bin no cool guys in the Imperium since the primarchs and their dad left...

For the first fight, it can go either way. Torquemada has more grenades than a Guardsmen regiment and psyker powers to boot. If he gets the charge, Succubus is toast. If he hits with a Krak grenade, Succubus is toast. I doubt the fight will get to close combat - it's either Succubus getting lucky with the Blast pistol again or Torquemada softening her up with his eagle, then going in for the kill with the hammer. This is a real tough one. Still, I'm totally biased towards my Dark Kin, so I bet (and hope) on Succubus to prevail.

Second fight looks easy to determine, though. Commissar is outclassed. Until he gets into 6" range, he'll receive about two shots of Jalaxlar's glass plague, either turning him into a pretty statue right away, or softening him up for the Shattershard to finish him off, as a toughness test on 3 is pretty difficult. If the Commissar still somehow survives, he'll get a few power weapon swings before he can even move his powerfist, which, even if it hits and wounds, will allow Haemie to shrug it off. My money's on Haemonculus all the way.

I think the haemi weapon that's range 12" 2d6 Sd6 APd6 would have been a fun option.

I actually don't care a tiny bit about what's going on here, but it's hilarious to read, thanks!

Coteaz and Haemonculous!

Coteaz (as much as I may hate to admit it...), and the Haemonculus

Current vote spread;

Aroshamash - Coteaz and Haem
Cavash - Coteaz and Haem
Enfernux - Succubus and Haem (even though he didn't follow the rules )
NiteOwl- Succubus and Haem
Siticus the Ancient - Succubus and Haem

Looks like a lot of confidence in another blast pistol lulz win...not so much confidence in the poor Lord Commissar muddling into a win.

Tell you what, you vote correctly in the future and I'll remember to type your name correctly.

The first fight could go eighter way, but since the Succubus is likely to act before Coteaz, and is likely to kill him with one blast pistol hit (which due to her high bs is unlikely to miss), I'm leaning on the Succubus

The second one is easy. With large amount of weapons that all ignore his save, two of which can kill him in one hit, and better initiative, the Haemonculus will make short work of the Comissar barring extreme luck.

Gonna throw my hat in this, and say the Succubus will just edge out Coteaz, but really could go either way (Succubus ftw <3).

I almost feel sorry for Comissar, almost. This should be a sweeping victory for the Haemonculus thanks to all his lovely toys.

Succu and Haem

Simple, the succu will have two chances to ID coteaz, and if it makes it to CC will be rerolling her poisoned power weapon wounds (since cotez is T3, huzzah!), and she'll be hitting on a 3+ (where cotez should be hitting on a 5+? i think...)

Haem... Hexrifle and shattershard... need I say more?

Bolded my votes.

Succubus & Haemonculus
It's inconceivable that the mon-keigh could win this.

Ahhh the word mon-keigh, back from when 40k was not serious! ... mon-keigh ... monkey ... sigh

Succubus and Haemonculus, of course. We simply must put those insufferable vermin in their place.

hmm... the first battle is tough, Considering all it takes to ID the Succubus is one hit in close combat... as well as a grenade to the face... she is going to have a rough time suriving this battle.

That being said, she will most likely go first, and will get 2 shots off with her blast pistol... which is ID for cortez... I think the random factor would be what psychic powers cortez will take, as he has access to a ton of good ones (and some will ID the wych, and have a longer range than her pistol) But Ill vote for the Succubus, hopefully she doesnt miss

As for the second one, poor Commi shouldnt stand a chance... being only S3 and 2 wounds... he is going to have a hard time suriving shots from the haemie. And if combat comes around... that power maul (yes... change it to a maul thor... S5 AP4 will rip right through him) should get him the win before that fist hits.

So... Succubus and Haemonculus

Succy is going to win in the Assault. Coteaz will only hit once per round. He will wound, but Succy will dodge it. She will do three wounds per round and Coteaz will fail to save one of them. After three rounds of this, Succy wins!

@Mushkilla. Don't forget of course the Tau term, Gue'la - Gorilla.

I always thought that one was a play on gweilo.

I think that Coteaz is a very hard opponent, but he has no substantially superior firepower, if we asume that he uses standard psychic powers. So I'll bet on the Succubus' blast pistol to do the trick again.

Same with the Lord Commissar. I put my money on the Hamonculus to shoot the Commissar before he can retaliate.

I always figured gue'la is derived from gweilo (Chinese for "foreing devil", and insulting name to foreigners), too. Would make sense as the Tau are hevaily Chinese-inspired (lots of people say they're Japanese, but aside from having old school Gundamns, their armour style is seemingly based on ancien Chinese, they're essentially communist and some artwork shows them with those neat hats Chinese rice farmers wear).